Doesnt do it justice

Doesnt do it justice

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

  • Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
  • Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
  • Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
  • Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
  • Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
  • Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
  • Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
  • Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
  • Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
  • Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
  • Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
  • Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
  • Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
  • Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
  • Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
  • Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
  • Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
  • Dad: Fuck the government.
  • Dad: Fuck the school board.
  • Dad: Close the door.
  • Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
  • Dad: I love puns.
  • Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
  • Dad: Please shut up.
  • Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
  • Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
  • Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
  • Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
  • Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
  • Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
  • Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
  • Dad: They act like I care what they think.
  • Dad: I hate homework.
  • Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
  • Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.
juvjuvychan:

overlordofthelollipopguild:

mischiefmagicandmayhem:

febricant:

natreidess:

lbrossoit:

Well he missed a pretty god damn big one didn’t he

u fucked up, Tony
u fucked up big time

you had one job, Tony

what if he did find it though?
what if after the avengers, he just archived the data, fully intending to look at it all later, and then kind of forgot about it because he was too busy trying to tinker his trauma away?
what if after iron man 3 he got bored one day, went through his data banks, found all this damning evidence, and figured it out?
what if he found out during winter soldier and tried to contact someone, but steve and natasha were already underground, fury was faking the dead, hill was with fury, coulson and his team were being held hostage on the plane, clint was nowhere to be found, thor was in asgard, and bruce was on vacation in hawaii?
what if he couldn’t do anything about it because he’d gotten rid of all the suits?
what if he was building one from his old files and going to try to do something about it, but then jarvis brought up the news and all he could do was sit there and watch the helicarriers fall because as good as his tech was, it still couldn’t finish the armor fast enough for him to help?
what if he knew but he couldn’t do a thing to fix it?



#and this is why Tony will build Ultron?#dun dun duuuun


OKAY SERIOUSLY THIS IS THE BEST EXPLANATION I HAVE SEEN FOR THE LACK OF OTHER AVENGERS IN WINTER SOLDIER. And I mean it’s perfect. Also with ultron perhaps when Tony got I to Hydras files, they got into Jarvis?

juvjuvychan:

overlordofthelollipopguild:

mischiefmagicandmayhem:

febricant:

natreidess:

lbrossoit:

Well he missed a pretty god damn big one didn’t he

u fucked up, Tony

u fucked up big time

you had one job, Tony

what if he did find it though?

what if after the avengers, he just archived the data, fully intending to look at it all later, and then kind of forgot about it because he was too busy trying to tinker his trauma away?

what if after iron man 3 he got bored one day, went through his data banks, found all this damning evidence, and figured it out?

what if he found out during winter soldier and tried to contact someone, but steve and natasha were already underground, fury was faking the dead, hill was with fury, coulson and his team were being held hostage on the plane, clint was nowhere to be found, thor was in asgard, and bruce was on vacation in hawaii?

what if he couldn’t do anything about it because he’d gotten rid of all the suits?

what if he was building one from his old files and going to try to do something about it, but then jarvis brought up the news and all he could do was sit there and watch the helicarriers fall because as good as his tech was, it still couldn’t finish the armor fast enough for him to help?

what if he knew but he couldn’t do a thing to fix it?

image

OKAY SERIOUSLY THIS IS THE BEST EXPLANATION I HAVE SEEN FOR THE LACK OF OTHER AVENGERS IN WINTER SOLDIER. And I mean it’s perfect. Also with ultron perhaps when Tony got I to Hydras files, they got into Jarvis?

(via venom-wants-to-play)

theindependentvigilante:

darkwater-smidge:

So I learned from my friend that coconut water can be used as an emergency blood transfusion, and of course my first thought was “So, can a vampire drink coconut water?”

and of course we had this idea of these tropical vampires being horrified when these old world vampires come and are still drinking blood like some sort of monster.

Write a book

Like can you fucking imagine rocking up to. Abar in the Bahamas and there is this pale as fuck guy sat in the shadiest shade with the biggest sunglasses and massive hat and a hawaiian shirt sipping on his coconut water . Only he’s a vampire and his friend is all ‘Steve they have cocunut water at home it’s freaking hot’

(via kissmy-cas)

The People That Born Between 1994 And 1999 Are Awesome Because…

marlicouriersix:

swing-in-the-sky:

demi-naynay-gomez:

thebeablefish:

maryyulz:

We already lived in two different millenniums

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We already lived in two different ages

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We already lived in 3 different decades

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We already passed through: 1/1/1, 2/2/2, 3/3/3, 4/4/4, 5/5/5, 6/6/6, 7/7/7, 8/8/8, 9/9/9, 10/10/10, 11/11/11

image

And we passed through: 12/12/12

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We watched the “End of the World”

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And all that before turning 18!

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you made my life sound so exciting

And we spent most of it on the internet

Yep

And people born in 1993 didn’t do all these things as well?

(via stereks-lovechild)

shortandsweet:

Surprisingly, perfectionists are often procrastinators, as they can tend to think “I don’t have the right skills or resources to do this perfectly now, so I won’t do it at all.”

this is an important thing to remember.

(via noodlebot-9000)

dontyouwannadance:

Yo its’ okay if you’re a white girl who likes Uggs and spray tans and pop music and instagramming your Starbucks. Don’t let tumblr make you think for one minute that liking things like that makes you inferior.

Same goes for if you’re a hipster trans mexican/japanese Pizza Underground enthusiast with a hello kitty neck tattoo.

If you’re not hurting anyone, you be you. There’s nothing wrong with that.

(via bisexualpatroclus)

wintrsldier:

Repeat after me, kiddos: Bucky Barnes did not choose to be a “villain.”

Lets say it again, a bit louder now: Bucky Barnes did not choose to be a “villain.”

Bucky Barnes did bad things only because he was brainwashed.

Bucky Barnes would have chosen to be a hero.

Bucky Barnes has a good heart and good intentions.

Bucky Barnes did not choose to be a “villain.”

Moreover, Bucky was never a villain. Because when he was the winter soldier he wasn’t Bucky. And if memory serves he eventually becomes captain America at some point? Kind of proves he’d choose to be a hero

(via theres-an-angel-in-the-tardis)